Note: The original can be found here.
Navigating the Friend Zone
Hello, fellow blog-stalkers!
I’m going to skip a lengthy introduction and merely state that I am a guest contributor, this time one with a Y chromosome! Gasp. You may call me Colonel Paisley. It’s a blend of two psuedonyms that I entertained: Colonel Fitzwilliam and The Paisley Tie. I find both of these symbolize me pretty well, so I put them in the blender and downed an overpriced Jamba Juice.
Anyway, The Coquette asked me to write a guest post, and I must say that I am delighted to do so. As I pondered about what to write [that sounds like I’m speaking at general conference…] a friend’s Facebook post tickled my fancy:
Listening, Advice, Praise, Diversion, Comfort, Challenge, Companionship, or Affirmation. What kind of friend are you?
It’s funny how well that applies to dating. Mostly I wanted to muse on how to navigate the Friend Zone.
There are so many things I could say about this picture. A: I sail on Inception-esque scenery? Ok. 2: I’m pretty sure this took more time to draw than this post took to write. Forgive my slow trackpad-drawing speed. D: The friend zone has really weird-looking buoys. [HA. Get it? Because this is a dating blog, and “buoys” sounds like… Never mind.]
I’m sorry. My train of thought can often be a runaway.
So, “What kind of friend are you?” Everyone falls into at least one category; we all need to identify the trait that embodies us most and then capitalize on it. It’s kind of like the Five Love Languages, except in a more person-to-person and everyday form.
Anyway: The Friend Zone. We hate it. It ruins our plans. It makes us feel awkward. And yet, it’s so necessary. I know a few relationships that jet ski right on through the Friend Zone, and they can sometimes be awkward. I once dated someone, and we swam in the Waters of Acquaintance…ship, got caught in the Bermuda Triangle of Infatuation and suddenly found ourselves in the Relationship Reef. It was pretty cool, but then we ended up on the beach. And now I’m swimming in the Waters again.
The Friend Zone is actually where you want to be. Not with every specific person you are attracted to, per se, but with people in general. [Perhaps this is a bit too much of my normal character here; I value being friends with everyone. I find it worthwhile.]
It’s in the Friend Zone where I don’t feel awkward walking over to some girls’ apartment and just talking with them without them thinking, “Ugh, why is this creepo hanging out here? He’s not gonna ask me on a date, is he? Jimmer help me.”
Two of my lady friends needed a ride to the mall this evening; I obliged. They felt comfortable enough with me to ask; I feel comfortable putting aside my own activities to help. I later accompanied one of their roommates on an evening run. I’d chalk those under the Companionship and Diversion Friend Languages.
Don’t get me wrong – definitely do not stay in the Friend Zone forever. Test the waters. Move your way towards the warmer waters; maybe you’ll eventually find the Hot Tub of Love. In my experience, it’s much easier to establish a stable, lasting relationship with a member of the opposite sex after I’ve built a solid foundation of friendship based on my and my interest’s Friend Languages [I should copyright that].
Recent contributions to this blog have pointed out that the dating game can be very frustrating and depressing. It’s hard, of course, but it has to be. [At least, in Provo, it does.] Just remember – the Waters of Acquaintancehoodship and the Friend Zone seem pretty vast and fruitless, but you’ll find yourself in warm waters eventually. The world’s not as big and hopeless as you think – it’s not the Dating Ocean, but the Dating Pool.
[I just blew your mind. I didn’t even do it on purpose; it just worked like that.]
So think about your Friend Languages, and get out there and swim! There’s treasure everywhere!
Cheers,
Colonel Paisley
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