Note: The original can be found here.
The perfect man?
Hello readers, I am Featherstone McGee (clearly my parents were hippies). When I was asked to write a guest post for the Anti-Austen, I was in the middle of cleaning my gun while eating a steak I had prepared after returning from a trip to the range (where I did quite well, I might add). I’ll skip any real introduction as the lesson that follows will (hopefully) give you a sense of who I am.
Last Sunday was stake conference and my stake was graced by the presence of Elder M. Russell Ballard himself. If you’ve lived in Provo for more than thirty seconds, you know the equation: (Apostle+Conference)*BYU=Dating. Needless to say, I hung on every word, carefully listening for anything that might give me an edge over my future competition. Funny that the line that really got me thinking was one addressed to the sisters:
“Sisters, stop looking for the perfect man. There isn’t one here.”
The rusty wheels in my head slowly started turning. We can’t be perfect men, but we can sure be dang good men. So what makes a man a good man? We all have our own views on this subject, shaped by our own experiences. That line from Elder Ballard started to remind me of the lessons I had learned over the past few years. Here are the ones I feel are most important, in no particular order.
A man treats a woman with respect. “The true measure of a man can be found in his relationship with women.” I regret to say that I don’t remember the name of the General Authority who said this. But I try to live my life by this quote. Tall or short, ripped or scrawny, magnificently bearded or physically unable to grow more than three tiny whiskers, if you do not treat a woman as a daughter of God, you are no man. This is the most important lesson that I can impart.
A man makes a woman feel safe. One thing that many women look for in a man is that they can feel safe when they are with him (source: many women). In most cases, it doesn’t matter how you do this. Some men have big muscles (this is not Featherstone McGee). Some have a “do not start trouble here” sort of presence. Others have studied martial arts. Others choose to carry a gun for personal protection. And then there are the bravest men of all who, no matter their size or proficiency in fighting, will place themselves in harm’s way before ever letting anything happen to the women he cares about, whether she be his mother, his sister, his friend, or his significant other.
A man knows when to listen and when to act. This lesson took me a long time to learn. Men by their nature are doers. We take action. Problem à Solution àAction. But guys, get this: sometimes a woman just wants you to listen, to comfort her, to validate her feelings rather than only half-listening while forming a plot to avenge the wrong that has taken place.
A man knows that it’s okay to have feelings. "If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" ~William Shakespeare
A man is still human (werewolves, vampires excluded) and understands that it’s okay to have feelings. We all feel love and hate, hope and despair, strength and weakness, courage and fear.
A man does not post dresses on a Pinterest instead of courting wonderful and exciting women. In light of recent events (and because every now and then we need a good dose of humor) I felt like mentioning this one. I would like to take this opportunity to note that Featherstone McGee does not have a Pinterest account. You could say that this lesson is about priorities. A good man has his in the right order.
A man is faithful to his Priesthood. This, I feel, is an important one in our LDS culture. LDS women generally want a man who honors his Priesthood. So guys, do your home teaching. Read your scriptures. Pray. Always be worthy to give a blessing – you never know when you’ll be called upon to give one. The blessing of a worthy Priesthood holder leading your household is a wonderful thing.
A man has a good work ethic. Men are most often the providers in the family dynamic. As such, a man needs to have a good work ethic. Always put your best effort into the work that you do. Don’t be a workaholic though! Anything ending in “aholic” is usually bad. Remember balance: Work hard, play hard.
A man has a sense of humor. Enjoy life! Have fun! Make a girl laugh. Make her smile. Your looks will fade with time, but a good sense of humor will survive through eternity. When I was younger, I would go out with my Priest Quorum advisor to visit the elderly couples who couldn’t attend Church on Sundays to bring them the Sacrament. I’ll never forget the wise advice of one man in his mid-90’s. “Don’t get old, son. You can’t control when you poop.” Yes. Over 90 years old and still making poop jokes? He was definitely a man.
Now I leave you with the immortal words of African American poet Skee-Lo:
“I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala”
You can’t honestly tell me that it wouldn’t be awesome to have a rabbit in a hat.
~Featherstone McGee
P.S. Fun facts about Featherstone McGee!
1. I have never read a Jane Austen novel.
2. I don’t date as often as I’d like to, thanks to work and school.
3. I would rather die than wear tight pants.
<3
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